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Do the Opposite For an ex-drunk good ‘ol boy slouch to sink to a 36 percent approval rating in a nation that spawned My Name Is Earl, he really has to screw up. And he has. There are only five people left in the US who believe the country went to war for the reasons given, and four of them work at FOX. The tax cuts avoided the middle class like Michael Vick running from a blitz. The energy bill should be burned for the paper it was printed on. The deficit looks like Paris Hilton’s Visa statement. Retards run agencies. We hold elections in other countries but can’t get a Chinook to New Orleans. Question: How do you respond to a natural disaster? Answer: Lower the minimum wage. Cliché or not, the war was largely about oil. Check out history. Declining empires make desperate moves to secure scarce natural resources. This particular move was a bit circuitous, but it didn’t fall that far from the curve. Where was our democracy experiment in Liberia? The marriage of bankrupt ideas and a bankrupt federal budget has never before been so complete. Here’s hoping it’s a same-sex marriage. And then came Libbygate. Libbygate is worse than Watergate. It’s one thing to spy on an outpatient. It’s another to out a spy. Can anyone still explain precisely what Whitewater was about and why we were supposed to care? You want a presidential scandal? You’ve got it. Two thousand brave kids dead for a lie. Forget semen on a skirt. There is blood in the sand. Watching young neocons like Tucker Carlson jump off the bandwagon is a guilty pleasure. Chin up, kid, and straighten the bow tie. You are the Rosa Parks of marginally open-minded Republicans. You still have time to become Ariana Huffington and grab the 4 AM slot on CNBC. Meanwhile, there is absolutely no chance whatsoever Ann Coulter will dangle even a painted toe off the bandwagon. She would sooner starve herself. Apparently, she already has. Libbygate isn’t the criminalization of politics. It is the criminalization of crime. If this was Israel or California, we could call an election tomorrow and send GW back to the Ballpark in Arlington. But it’s not, and we can’t. Our long national nightmare is not over. The White House gang pretends to be tough. But they didn’t dodge a bullet—they threw someone in front of one. You have a constitutional responsibility to fire another shot. You may never again get a chance like this. Seize it before we send troops to Syria. Seize it before Andy Card engineers a smear campaign against Patrick Fitzgerald. Seize it before China holds more US currency than the US. Seize it before Exxon Mobil commences drilling in Yosemite. Seize it before Halliburton is awarded a nationwide no-bid contract to serve school lunches. Seize it before 2008 poll workers recount ballots by hand in Iowa. Ironically, the biggest obstacle to seizing the day is this—most of us were taught never to kick a man when he’s down. Karl Rove, who does it for a living, is counting on us not to do to him what he did to John McCain and Max Cleland. Karl Rove thinks you are soft. Karl Rove believes you are morally, ethically, and emotionally hesitant to go in for the kill. Don’t be. Be like George Costanza—Do the opposite. Considering giving the GOP a chance to straighten things out in 2006? Do the opposite. Compelled to tone down the rage when pollsters call or when the subject comes up at the office? Do the opposite. Hesitant to urge your representative to vote for impeachment? Do the opposite. Reluctant to organize and participate in a Million Moderate March on Washington? Do the opposite. So far, all our instincts about tolerance and humility have gotten us the most arrogant, reckless administration in memory. To quote the great philosopher, if every instinct we’ve had has been wrong, then the opposite must be right. Click here to rant back. |