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Second Coming Bill Clinton’s wish to repeal the 22nd Amendment indicates that he has finally inhaled, but all the grass in the world doesn’t equal grassroots support. With a Bush in the White House basking in military victory while slipping in the polls due to a sluggish economy, history is trying desperately to repeat itself. Slick Willie’s problem is he takes this phenomenon too personally. So with Hillary busy not answering questions after not writing her memoirs and steering a political course so dead center she’s afraid to chew on either side, Bill is busy drafting Bill and a bill. But it takes a village idiot to believe there is any groundswell whatsoever for this bizarre proposal. Though there are plenty of us who would love to see our 401(k)s fat again, a federal budget surplus, and new episodes of Seinfeld, only an egomaniac gets nostalgic for himself. It took only 29 months out of the Oval Office for Clinton to express publicly what he’s been thinking privately. Thanks to the six-figure speaking fees that have almost erased his legal debts, Clinton has talked himself out of trouble yet again, and his boredom is suddenly our problem. Now that his slate and Monica’s dress are clean once more; now that the public appears slightly less interested in his opinions than in the Stanley Cup Finals, Clinton is feeling his own pain. Not only did the Clinton-Dole segments on 60 Minutes fail to rescale the glorious heights of the 1996 presidential debates, they didn’t even hold up against the Ackroyd-Curtain debates of 1978. To be fair, there are other folks seeking to repeal other amendments. Trent Lott believes we would be better off had the 13th Amendment never been ratified. He’s not so crazy about Amendment 24 either. You know, the one that abolished the poll tax. Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson have been looking to scrap the First Amendment for years. The city of Columbine is shooting to repeal the Second Amendment after refusing to concede that their children were gunned down in self-defense by “a well regulated militia.” Amendment 6, the right to a speedy trial, is opposed by the American Bar Association. Amendment 12, which provides for the electoral college, is at the top of Al Gore’s hit list. The 16th Amendment, establishing the federal income tax, has been on the Republican Party’s chopping block since 1980. Fading pugilist-misogynist Mike Tyson would be against the 19th Amendment if he knew what it was. And, lest we forget, the Justice Department is quietly campaigning to repeal the entire Bill of Rights. Please, Bill, ask yourself this—didn’t you do enough damage to the Constitution from inside the government? The only repeal of a constitutional amendment occurred in 1933, when the 21st Amendment reversed the prohibition amendment of 1919. The Kennedys still haven’t recovered. It says here constitutional amendments should not occur in neutralizing pairs like protons and electrons. They should not represent whimsical trial and error of our legal system and should last longer than a J. Lo marriage. Just ask the GOP, they of the pollyannaish balanced budget amendment. Had it ever passed, it would have wound up in its creator’s crosshairs like Frankenstein. If you want to repeal something, start with that despicable pardon of Marc Rich. Or are you saving him to be Treasury Secretary? In that case, try appealing your own disbarment in the great state of Arkansas. And once you’ve got that straightened out, it’s on to a long, hard, noble campaign to repeal a plethora of statutory rape laws and criminal penalties for perjury. But whatever you do, don’t come around here trying to be FDR. You’re not even Grover Cleveland. Face it, Bill—it’s over. No more sex. No more sax. No more Socks. Click here to rant back. |